You Ugly Cow!

cowsI have never been so terrified as yesterday afternoon.

After a rather a stressful week, we decided to have a trip out to a local National Trust property (The Vyne) for a peaceful walk through the woodland and lake area.

We came to a bird watching stop along the way that looked out over a field to a bird pond with numerous wild fowl and herons – beautiful. We decided to take a closer look and ventured through the gate. Biggest mistake ever!

Half way across the field we turned to look back and saw this herd of about 40 black cows steadily approaching in our direction…

MrSockGarden: don’t run, don’t panic, just keep walking…

Me: (constantly turning to look) – ok but hurry up, walk faster…

MrSockGarden: it’s OK, don’t panic

Me: there’s no gate ahead, how are we going to get out (rising panic)

MrSockGarden: keep calm, we’re nearly to the edge

Me: (not caring about squelching through wet cow pats in my holey crocs) but there’s NO gate – just barbed wire

MrSockGarden: It’s all right we’ll be able to get over it, keep calm..

Me: (doing hysterical girl run-stumbling and shouting now) they’re going to trample us to death, hurry, hurry

Cows: advancing in a big black menacing unified swathe of mooing, bellowing, hot stinky breathed cowiness (incredibly scared now)

MrSockGarden: gets to the barbed wire topped (crotch-height) fence – and then over it…

Me: (screeching now) help me, help me, I can’t get over on my own (throwing knitted bag with sock creatures inside for photography over the fence first – idiot!)

MrSockGarden (on the safe side of the fence): almost-calm encouraging sounds and hands out to help pull me over…

Me: wailing now and getting hauled over the fence with those evil brute heads right behind me…

… over and into the filthy ditch on the other side, heart pounding, head in hands and over ears to drown out the sound of those hateful, massive and vicious lumps of steak.

The first thing I did when we got in was google ‘killer cows’ and then…

…we started the beef stew bubbling! It was very delicious and we’ve got second helpings quite soon.


3 Responses to “You Ugly Cow!”

  1. 1 whoatemycrayons 22/09/2009 at 9:23 am

    Brilliant! Bet it was the best beef stew ever! So funny.

  2. 2 haptree 29/09/2009 at 2:22 pm

    I had to walk through a field of bullocks (I hope I spelt that right) as a school girl, it was that or add an extra 30 mins to my walk, so I had to get used to them! They are very inquisitive!

  3. 3 Cat 12/05/2010 at 6:37 pm

    Yes, cows are bad. Bullocks are beserkers! I’m a vegetarian, but quite enjoyed the end of your tale. Wha hahahaaaaa.

    I’ve been chased by bullocks two or three times when walking my dogs, and it is really frightening. I won’t go in fields of teenage cattle now. It’s also blooming annoying that farmers put them in fields containing public paths (and sometimes, frightened public).

    I seem to remember when cows would amble off if you waved your arms – I’m used to horses, and they usually do – but not anymore. I wonder what they are being fed…? What kind of stew are bullocks looking forward too? Eh?

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